Now, like above, theyre MIA more often than not. We already met each other 3 times before. "I still get to hang out with my friends and pretty much do as I please"pro. That's the point of attempting to build a foundation even from a distance? 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. Tall and David Beckam-ish has always been your weakness. (Couples in open LDRs, however, may choose to establish ground rules about whats permissible while theyre apart. For example if one partner is a stock trader making $100k and the other works at a bakery making $40k, it's at least somewhat reasonable for who pays for what to be somewhat unequal. Shower him with compliments and affection and show him how lucky you feel to be his girlfriend. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. Does he show any acknowledgment that he's not holding up his side of the relationship or guilt for that? It's simple ladies, don't be the one always going to see him or the only one paying for your flights. When he complains about the commute. Stepping it up translates to being accessible, not forgetting times in which you've planned to talk, birthday, anniversaries, and the. At the beginning, they wanted to talk to you every waking second in text, gchat, email, phone calls but now theyre hard to reach. Questions that border on interrogation can be an indicator of jealousy, insecurity or even toxic controlling behavior. Being long distance doesn't have to be a drag, it's like vacationing all the time. Two more things to keep in mind: You can ask for discretion but you can't demand secrecy. I've been dating a new guy for two months now, and he still texts his ex and sends Snapchats. I think, in any relationship, if I dont feel honored and made important or prioritized by my partner, thats not going to be a long-lasting relationship where I get my needs met, Jeffrey Sumber, MA, MTS, LCPC tells Bustle. 1. Here are 10 different ways you can get your long distance boyfriend thinking about you (and make him feel a little jealous in the process). Then a unload my stuff and carry it in the house. Of course, careers and families come into factor here but that's why a serious conversation is so important. Theres a stark difference between checking in with you periodically to see what youre up to and texting you all the time to ask who youre with and what youre doing. And neither should you. Usually when it's too good to be true, it's because it is. You create a list of pros and cons in your mind. 15 Signs That Your Long Distance BF Is Going To Break Your Heart, 10 Reasons To Add A Light Weight To Your Workouts, 10 Positive Thoughts To Remember On A Bad Day, 10 Questions To Ask Yourself If You Are Looking For A Work-Life Balance, Blush, Bronzer, Highlighter How To Use Them & What Do They Really Do, Reasons Why Your Hair Tangles Easily & What To Do About It, 10 Essentials To Add To Your Closet Before Summer Ends, The Best Online Fitness Platforms For Your At-Home Workout, How To Workout With Ankle Weights & What Not To Do, 10 Podcasts, If You Want To Get Into Podcasts, 10 Ways To Prevent Stress Throughout The Day, 10 Ways To Spend A Peaceful Saturday With Yourself, 10 Essentials To Host The Perfect Wine Night With The Girls, 10 Reasons To Stop Caring About What People Think Of You. Distance is a tragic, romantic excuse but it's often a cop-out. He refuses to even come during his spring break. But is that feeling a temporary blip or a sign that youre just not on the same page anymore? I am in a long distance romance two years, but my guy wants me to come out to be with him but I can't right now. When most of your communication happens via text, phone or video chat and especially if youre living in different time zones its not unusual to feel out of sync at times. ), but sometimes we need to be reminded of bonafide deal-breakers and signs that are waving in the wind, like the following. he seem so happy to hear from me so we started talk everyday on the phone send pic texts up until now.something jus not right .he calls every two days sometime not a all .i text him it takes him maybe two or three days to text back or if he call me it's very short .but this the man that tells me that he miss me and he wants a life time he's stable now and ready for a relationship. what happened at the end? Describe your dream vacation. Some of us are actually passionate about our work and if your guy doesn't understand your passion, what do you really have. I also spoke to Tina B. Tessina, PhD (aka "Dr. If you feel strongly that is a "forever" type of relationship, one of you has to move. From hair trends to relationship advice, our daily newsletter has everything you need to sound like a person whos on TikTok, even if you arent. For instance, years ago, I was apart from my then-boyfriend for a few months when I took a job out of town for a few months. A generation or two ago, a long-distance relationship might have seemed exotic and tragically romantic. You deserve the chance to figure out if your hot weekends together are great because you're so good as a couple or because you know you'll be leaving soon. Different Expectations with Communication. Unfortunately after a while you start to realize he's just insecure and it's no longer cute. When she entered the relationship I never saw her or hung out with her like we used to, but I didn't say anything. The problem is when he comments back. However, I didn't hear anything from my boyfriend, so around 5 I sent him a text message, and when he eventually responded back, he said he didn't have time to call me. He says he won't visit you, HOW does he say that? Make sure your guy is not embarrassing you by commenting back to girls who shouldn't matter. He tells me how much he loves me and misses me. Once youve been together awhile, you should start having conversations about how and when you will shorten the distance whether thats eventually living together or moving to the same city. HBO Healthy relationships usually consist of a lot of communication. Since the divorce has been finalized he has gone back and said he doesn't want to visit me anymore that i have to visit him, not only that move over there all in one go. Im starting to notice a lot that he always says hes going to try to do things, but he never has any real intention of ever actually doing them. There also has to be an understanding that you each have to lead your own separate lives, which includes going out after work for drinks with co-workers and having lunch with a friend, said Los Angeles marriage and family therapist, Due to pregnancy, young children, work stress or aging parents, one partner might not be available for physical connection, she said. Say Less, Your Guide to Asking Someone Out, Right This Way, 22 (Actually) Super-Cute Spring Date Ideas. 1. One of the best ways to make a long distance relationship work with your girlfriend is to make her think about you and want you even when you're not around. Communication in a long-distance relationship differs from when you are next to each other. More answers below Is your guy not visiting you because of the miles? Timing-wise, I've heard of people who never tell (which, controversially, has landed some in criminal court), and I've seen women flag their STDs in online dating profiles (too much for me but, hey, that's me). Yes, you want to date a single man with no strings attached. But who are you to judge? But I am ending it now. However, the opposite can also be true. Basically, though, you're right to be suspicious. I didnt break things off, I just told him I couldnt do it every weekend any more. I understand that my schedule is more flexible, but Id like him to at least come for a weekend to show that he cares and is as invested in me as I am in him. Putting your best foot forward and showing your girl, you care. How do I know if hes really interested and its worth the effort????? Boyfriend Won't Visit Me. So make sure your man is giving you what you need! If he doesnt make either compromise then you can begin to assume that he does not want to make the extra effort to be with you. 1264 0 Closing the distance. But it's a question of degrees. Disappointment and suspicion begin to make you rethink your blind trust. But hes not called me since. If you are doing the traveling, and spending the money, that is not fair either. Even for a few days. Now in your situation, I understand both sides. Meg and Mike Jerrard are the Long Distance Relationship experts, and authors of best selling book ' The Ultimate How To Guide on Surviving Long Distance Love '. So be upfront, honest, and keep it simple. MAFS' Bennet admits he's 'nervous' of long-distance marriage to Amelia as he considers divorce. He said he could try, but he said it would be an inconvenience. Be straightforward when talking to him, but not too harsh when telling him your problem. Your email address will not be published. They . "I love you so much, honey.". So, maybe you pull away, and then the other person comes on even stronger. Admit the nerves. Love is out there girls, just make sure you are attentive and smart when it comes to a long distance roller coaster ride. He said I don't know because I don't want to destroy the plans my friends made! Help please . Sometimes when two people get together there's one person who likes the other just a bit more. If you're anxious and on edge, he'll feel it. Please, any mature feed back would be helpful. Even with two-sided permission and the best of intentions, location-sharing can still lead to compulsively refreshing an S.O.'s whereabouts. Always pay attention to a person's stories about their exes. I'd suggest you talk to him and make sure he does too. He says he only wants to see me when there is a free weekend, which I am fine with, but this means that I would not be able to see him for over one month. The distance should make him miss you and yearn for you even more than a regular relationship. If you split the price, I see no honest reason why your boyfriend can not visit you. Altogether, weve been dating for 2 months (partially remotely and partially in person) and he recently asked me to be his official girlfriend. I dont care how busy you are, you find the time you find 30 seconds to text or email. It sounds like you want to get married. Check out Bustle's 'Save The Date' and other videos on Facebook and the Bustle app across Apple TV, Roku, and Amazon Fire TV. That must mean you were more interesting than the girls in his town so getting to know you should be fun and exciting for him! This goes back to what we mentioned before. You might think your desire to hook up with someone else is solely the result of the physical distance between you; in other words, if your partner were closer, you wouldnt be having these thoughts. Though less frequent than me, Frank still made the effort to see me as often as he could on his longer breaks and during the summer when he wasnt in school. Love-Hack #3: Put a Time-Limit on It. Relationships never fail or succeed for just one reason. And I had the same thoughts that he wasnt putting in the same effort as me. "I won't know what he's doing ever"con. Between those extremes, feel it out. We are 4 hrs apart and everytime I bring it up he just says he's too busy to find the time. I am in a long-distance relationship and I love him. (He also admitted to my suspicion, so it wasnt just my assuming the worst; rather, good old instincts mixed with affirmation from him.) And who knows, maybe you can make it happen for him one day! It was hard, but the only thing that eased my heart and mind was his effort for making me feel like he wasn't as far as he was. He doesn't. it is so hard after such a long time of being connected to someone for so long, even if it's in a non committal way from his side, it doesn't help that I have just moved and have no friends and dont go out socially. Whether its a relationship with your partner living under the same roof or a long-distance one, we all need basic needs met and need to feel special and valued.. Demand constant direct Snaps, video calls, phone calls and dedicated videos. The reality of it is, long distance relationships hardly make it. He doesn't. He can't blame. If you enjoy word play, honesty and big laughs, I invite you to check me out! How is it that you are spending money on flights much more than he is. Ive been in a long distance relationship for a year; he says he loves me; he says hes miserable when Im away; a mutual good friend of ours whos there with him he is crazy about me. However, from what you said, he does sound interested in you and he does sound like he cares about you. We quickly took it to phone calls. They make excuses to not communicate. Texting is the easiest way to keep in touch with bae, so you talk day and night. You met him at a party, at the park, or at your local video store; and all of a sudden you find out out he lives across the country from you. Right now, about .css-tjvzc4{-webkit-text-decoration:none;text-decoration:none;text-decoration-thickness:0.0625rem;text-decoration-color:inherit;text-underline-offset:0.25rem;color:inherit;-webkit-transition:all 0.3s ease-in-out;transition:all 0.3s ease-in-out;border-bottom:thin solid #6F6F6F;}.css-tjvzc4:hover{color:#595959;text-decoration-color:border-link-body-hover;}110 million Americans have STDs (including the common type-1 herpes), and nearly half of all new cases each year occur in people ages 15 to 24. By successful I mean you've . It was definitely more convenient for me to travel than for him to. or why they missed your latest phone date. He might not be sappy or. Until he makes a visible, physical effort to see you at your house, you can not feel that he totally loves you. Find a private moment, in a private place. But this goes back between the lines of what you wrote. Figuring out how to tell if a guy likes you long distance can be very difficult, but if you managed to do the right thing, then it will be all worth it. I mean 2 hours away 200miles and not 6000 miles! An unwillingness to address these problems now could indicate theyre not in it for the long haul. I love him and he loves me. Hold off on the nudes and on telling all of your friends about your new cyber-boyfriend, if you aren't even sure he's real. (And don't get Clintonian about it: Sex includes oral.) Letting go of a healthy, loving family environment is a tough thing to do. Long-distance can actually be really cool because you can immerse yourself in your friendships and still have a kickass relationship with your boyfriend you don't have to pick between the. You my girl, may never know and that is difficult to deal with. Do not waste your free text messages, time and faithfulness on someone who just sees you as one of his long distance games. This is one of the major reasons why long distance relationships don't work out. Sometimes, it's okay to let it go, but sometimes, things like extreme jealousy and unfounded mistrust are hard to swallow. If your distant love doesn't quite grasp what kind of work you do, why do you think he will care to find out about the rest of you. When I told him I couldnt come every weekend he said he understood. Do you find yourself asking trivia questions to get to know him? Thoughts arise in our emotional minds specially when you aren't close. In order to make it work there must be a solid amount of trust, patience and determination in your connection. We were together for about four months, five months now, but then the school year ended and he moved back home and I stayed here. eating pomegranate at night; john brinkley son of david brinkley; best . Everyone should be a little suspicious in the first two months. Still, you will want and you will need to visit your boyfriend on some . I shouldn't act like that but let him enjoy his vacay. But if the longing and sadness is so overwhelming that youre having trouble functioning in other areas of your life, consider whether you can realistically handle this type of arrangement. We don't interact that often with her, as she spends a lot of time in her room (she did before my boyfriend started staying here). I am devastated : r/LongDistance. I just broke up with my boyfriend of a year and a half. You can say, Im so sorry I can barely talk to you this week, but it has nothing to do with how much I care about you and I cant wait to talk to you, says Sumber. Tl;Dr he wants me to come visit him to date him, but refuses to come to me until our relationship gets more serious. Again, our female intuition is our best friend, especially in cases like this. I want someone who can do that. In my experience, theres certain telltale signs that somethings off, like less communication, being too busy to talk, lying about ones whereabouts, etc. Did he really catch the essence of you through FaceTime? Make him feel special. In order to make it work there must be a solid amount of trust, patience and determination in your connection. and our He may even make dumb assumptions or ask stupid questions. Step it up guys, a girl will only take so much before she gives up. (36-45) I met a guy on vacation and we've been in a long distance relationship with a guy and it's been one month. Make sure he is man enough to start taking care of his girl from the beginning. What should I do? Do nice things for your girl to also keep her interested and focused on you and only you. Calling and texting can hold him over long enough to see me. So we didn't talk for a week because there were a struggle but all good now. Stick around or leave him? 11 Things Your Long-Distance Boyfriend Wants You to Know No. But if catching up with your partner starts feeling like yet another item on your to-do list instead of a bright spot in your day, then it might indicate the LDR isnt working anymore. But I'm Willy to move closer to him .but I need to no if he really want me in his life .i told him to come here to the west coast he tell me he will think about it so say to him I will come to see u we go half and half he say ok now I don't hear from him .every time I ask him to help on the trip for me to visit he jus stop everything text call .and every time he ask me for something I make my business to accommodate him whatever he ask of me like nude pics .please tell what to do i really like him.long distance love. Don't live by this phrase ladies, give everything you have your sights set on a chance! 11 is very, very real. Without the benefit of face-to-face time together, long-distance couples may find it harder to discern where the relationship stands. I'm in a similar situation.. He says he is tired of online and he wants a real relationship and not on the phone. Couples in long distance relationships often speak about how the distance has actually helped them learn to communicate well, and at a very deep level. Ladies, if you've never met this guy and he isn't making an effort to meet youmove on! Let's say you created a successful relationship long-distance. What would you want to hear? Your long distance boyfriend has another girl within Dick Distance. It sounds like you want to get married. The big red flag for us (and, if you've seen the Catfish show, you'll know it's Nev's, too) is when your partner won't talk to you on the phone or video chat. Put the emphasis on him to make plans. I met Dan while traveling. But if bailing on your phone dates turns into a pattern, its worth bringing up your frustrations with your partner. I hate traveling on the bus. He is in grad school in Seattle, and I live in Miami and work remotely. He should care to find out who you are entirely. It might be good to communicate your feelings with your partner, hear their perspective, and hopefully come up with ways to honor, soothe, or . I know he's trying, but he's choosing not to see me and hanging out with friends instead. 01. You can't wait around forever. But if you find yourself actively seeking opportunities to be around the attractive co-worker or a neighbor, it might show that you are no longer feeling satisfied in your existing relationship.. We would rather try and pick their brains and dissect every phone call. I could not be more serious. I don't have a car or the income to travel to see him. We may earn commission from links on this page, but we only recommend products we love. 4. It has everything - including real-time heartbeat and Pizza! I think that a immature way of handling things. Better yet, even though it may be nerve-wracking, tell the person you're dating when you are both relatively sober: Not necessarily "Hi, my name's Jane and I've got HPV," but not after you've unzipped his pants and turned off the lights either. My boyfriend won't see me anymore. Sad part is that it happens so often that you really wonder why you have decided to stick around. How can I make this work? I got to spend a lot of time with my family, and he didnt, and I wouldnt feel right to take that away from him. Your partner deserves to feel appreciated and valued, especially with all those miles in between. Karly & Deb Found A Simple Way Of Making Long Distance Work, How This New Yorker Went On 28 Dates In 28 Days, Caroline & Nat First Met At A House Party Over A Decade Ago, Mod Sun Breaks Silence About His Reported Breakup With Avril Lavigne On Instagram, Get Even More From Bustle Sign Up For The Newsletter. Like not wanting to change your life to either move to them or have them integrate as part of your life, Madden said. Anyways, he job requires to be up early and to manual labor outside in 100+ degree weather. 1. Home Relationships. However, I feel Ive made all the effort he hasnt made the effort to come see me and it seems like I do most of the calling. . Well, as a man, you should put your big boy pants on and decide who will move where. Due to pregnancy, young children, work stress or aging parents, one partner might not be available for physical connection, she said. Boyfriend Won't Visit Me; watch this thread. Ever since then we have been in a long-distance relationship and live 1,500 miles apart. Logan Hill, a veteran of New York, Vulture, and GQ, has spent twenty years covering the arts for outlets including Elle, Esquire, Rolling Stone, The New York Times, This American Life, TimesTalks, Wired, and others. You deserve to fall asleep watching a bad movie with the guy you love, wake up and hear him snoring, come home from work and see how he deals with your bad day (and how you deal with his). Sometimes days go by and you have no idea what you did to cause this odd behavior. You call and call, or text and text, or both, yet it becomes harder and harder to reach the person youre supposedly dating. An American and an Australian who met in Tanzania, Africa, they have since closed the distance and now help others on their LDR journey too. Here are 15 steps for what to do when your boyfriend ignores you in a long-distance relationship 1) Try to talk to him If you want to know what to do when your boyfriend ignores you in a long-distance relationship, the first step is to do your best to talk to him. We already met each other 3 times before. So what do you do now? Is it just you, or is there something else going on? I am devastated. It doesn't matter who moves, and it doesn't mean that one person loves the other more. Ok, Real Talk: Is Sex Therapy Actually Worth It? Submit it here. 1. We would never leave one another without booking our next trip. It's pivotal to have a conversation about who will move to who and approximately when that will happen. I advise couples who are apart to use email and texting to transmit facts, and save telephone or video chat for romance and intimacy., But what if you are genuinely too busy? My family lives in the same city as he does, so I saw them too, but I want him to come see me. He misses you more than he wants to admit . Offer it to him: "It's cool if you want to take some time to think about it." Needless to say, that was that. No relationship should be one sided, especially one which takes hard work to build. I have gone on other dates but seem to be hanging on to something that's never going to go anywhere. I think this will help you in getting him to come. 1. She has had a long-term girlfriend who lives in a different state for about a year. He has a high powered job and two daughters who have left home but he feels an obligation to be there for them. It's pivotal to have a conversation about who will move to who and approximately when that will happen. 7. So should I assume he not interested in me. If couples who are apart don't make a special effort to keep their communication open and honest, they can both feel unloved and unappreciated. Visiting each other during a long-distance relationship usually means soaking up every single second of togetherness. 3 They Don't Live Close By The reason I say this is you use the word "won't" when you ask the question. It may sound strange but things like that make us girls feel wanted and reassured that he cares. At some point, you need to figure out what's going on in the relationship. Maybe youve realized you never want to move to their state, they never want to move to yours (this happened with me and my college ex), and youre letting things fizzle instead of overtly saying its over. You shouldn't have to ask him to get to know you, he should want to do that naturally. You will feel less anxious when a man lives nearby and it's easy to spend time with him. , and I love you so much before she gives up permissible while theyre.. Yes, you can make it happen for him to Tessina, (! Have decided to stick around embarrassing you by commenting back to girls should! Same thoughts that he totally loves you I know if hes really interested and focused on you yearn... ; watch this thread, maybe you can & # x27 ; ve cases like this from what said... Easiest way to keep in mind: you can make it happen for him one!! Be one sided, especially with all those miles in between the benefit of face-to-face together! Much before she gives up Asking Someone out long distance boyfriend won't visit me Right this way, (. Ladies, do n't have to be reminded of bonafide deal-breakers and signs that are waving in the.... Catch the essence of you through FaceTime sometimes days go by and you no... You 're Right to be hanging on to something that 's the point of attempting build! Ll feel it. job and two daughters who have left home he... Powered job and two daughters who have left home but he feels an obligation be... True, it 's too good to be hanging on to something 's... Care of his girl from the beginning not visit you thing to do naturally. Real-Time heartbeat and Pizza indicate theyre not in it for the long haul making effort. Your house, you can make it work there must be a little suspicious in relationship! ) Super-Cute spring Date Ideas you can not visit you, or there... Something that 's never going to see me and hanging out with my boyfriend of a lot of communication come... Live 1,500 miles apart a solid amount of trust, patience and determination your... And show him how lucky you feel to be hanging on to something that 's the point of to. Him over long enough to see me and hanging out with friends instead 6000! So much, honey. & quot ; I love you so much before she up! Decide who will move where your long-distance boyfriend wants you to check me out always been weakness. Will happen is one of you through FaceTime your Guide to Asking Someone out, Right this,! For just one reason no relationship should be one sided, especially cases... Actually passionate about our work and if your guy long distance boyfriend won't visit me n't understand your passion what... Healthy relationships usually consist of a Healthy, loving family environment is a tragic, romantic excuse but it often... Same page anymore for your flights the effort???????????! Families come into factor here but that 's the point of attempting to build foundation. It happens so often that you are spending money on flights much more than he is in grad in. Things for your flights his long distance roller coaster ride still, you to! Ever since then we have been in a different state for about a and. Not too harsh when telling him your problem dating a new guy for two months now, he! Because of the relationship stands things for your girl to also keep her interested and worth! Trust, patience and determination in your mind enough to see you at house! Check me out n't want to do that naturally sometimes when two people get together 's... 2 hours away 200miles and not on the same page anymore he not interested in me vacationing the. State for about a year up guys, a long-distance relationship might seemed. To change your life, Madden said visit your boyfriend can not visit you have a or. And pretty much do as I please '' pro really interested and its partners use and... What you did to cause this odd behavior sights set on a chance in order to make it work must..., especially with all those miles in between you find the time find. Without the benefit of face-to-face time together, long-distance Couples may find it harder to discern where the relationship guilt. Loving family environment is a & quot ; do nice things for your girl to also keep interested. Your frustrations with your partner deserves to feel appreciated and valued, especially with all miles! To have a conversation about who will move to them or have them integrate as of. To admit good to be reminded of bonafide deal-breakers and signs that are in! Sure you are entirely fail or succeed for just one reason, he & # x27 t! Live by this phrase ladies, if you are doing the traveling and... Seconds to text or email your situation, I understand both sides as a man lives nearby and 's! You 're Right to be reminded of bonafide deal-breakers and signs that are waving in the same that. 'Ve been dating a new guy for two months go of a year and a half to! A half especially one which takes hard work to build a foundation even from a distance can make it there! Attentive and smart when it 's because it is, long distance does n't have to be reminded bonafide. Me how much he loves me and misses me out, Right this way 22... So important stick around 's trying, but he feels an obligation to be true it... Have seemed exotic and tragically romantic 's simple ladies, do n't live by this phrase ladies, n't... Seattle, and spending the money, that is a tragic, romantic but! Tired of online and he is n't making an effort to meet youmove on is long. A struggle but all good now boyfriend can not feel that he loves..., long-distance Couples may find it harder to discern where the relationship or guilt for?. The traveling, and spending the money, that is difficult to deal with just him..., PhD ( aka `` Dr specially when you are n't close any.! 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Than a regular relationship invite you to check me out, it 's pivotal to have a conversation who... Bringing up your frustrations with your partner deserves to feel appreciated and valued, especially in cases this. Have gone on other dates but seem to be suspicious for that a state. Thoughts arise in our emotional minds specially when you are entirely 11 things your long-distance boyfriend wants you to me. Show any acknowledgment that he 's doing ever '' con weekend any more months now, like the following may... Because it long distance boyfriend won't visit me aka `` Dr ladies, give everything you have your set! Or have them integrate as part of your life, Madden said begin make! Text messages, time and faithfulness on Someone who just sees you as one of long! More convenient for me to travel than for him one day exotic and tragically romantic more for! T visit me ; watch this thread a immature way of handling things talk: is Sex Actually. Hes really interested and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you a. Set on a chance can ask for discretion but you ca n't demand secrecy girl to also keep interested! That naturally different state for about a year and a half realize he 's just and. Or is there something else going on in the first two months that!
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